Category: Strength/Resolve

Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda … Yada, Yada, Yada

Yesterday was 9/11. I also had a wound check-up scheduled.  On the way to the appointment, we passed Heartworks House, where the memorial ceremony was taking place.  Knowing that I had to take care of my health, I still didn’t want to be going to the doctor.  On this day of all days, I wanted to be at that memorial supporting my friends.  Thankfully, I had the Heartworks meeting to look forward to last night (via Skype) and it did my soul a world of good because …

My check-up did not go well and I was bummed.  Last week, the doctor declared the wound healed and stopped the stem cell treatment, even though I have the availability of three more applications of the treatment.  I had an uneasy feeling from that moment on and it would not go away.  I should feel so much happier hearing that the wound was healed.  Why didn’t I feel like shouting the news from the rooftops and celebrating?  Well, now I know.  The wound is not fully healed … NOT YET.  In the past week, the wound opened up slightly–those pesky .2 centimeters (2 millimeters)–a minuscule amount, but distressing nonetheless.  So, I started “shoulding” all over myself.

I should have listened to my intuition.

I should have known this thing wasn’t healed yet.

I should have insisted on continuing the treatment.

I didn’t and I was pissed off at myself.

Was all hope lost?  No.  We are resuming the treatment next Monday, and I have faith that it will work and the wound will heal completely.  Still, the nagging questions and negative thoughts linger in my worn-out brain.

What if I this thing doesn’t heal?

What if I did have the surgery?  Would it have worked and would I be up and about by now?

What if I wasted this whole year?

Then, it hit me…  I was wasting time on “should haves” and “what ifs.”  It’s a huge waste of friggin’ time, my friends, and it doesn’t do any good.  It’s counterproductive and it just makes you feel worse.  You can’t change the past, but you can make changes in the present that positively affect your future.

What I can do going forward is:

Regain my positive outlook.

Keep saying and writing my positive affirmations, especially “I am healthy.”, “I make healthy decisions.” and “My derrière continues to heal.”

Continue to reach out to you, my InspiraGang, when I need a boost of encouragement.

Please keep the prayers, positive vibes, cards, letters and visits coming.  In fact, I would love it if you would post some positive thoughts in the comments below.

Oh, and please share the link to this blog with your friends, family and colleagues.

Thank you for being there for me, InspiraGang.  You heal me and I am eternally grateful.

Until next week,
Andrea
aka InspiraGirl

The “New Normal”

Tuesday, September 4, 2018 was a memorable day.

It was the day I received the news that my pressure wound healed.  It was also one year ago to the day that I broke the news of my wound diagnosis on Facebook.  Fifty excess pounds ago as well, I realized as I watched the video.

I knew when I shared the healing news that some might think this journey was complete, that I would immediately be sitting up and that my life would resume as it had before the wound interrupted it.  I also knew that would not be the case.  A “new normal” is now staring me in the face.

When the doctor told me the wound had healed, he also said that I was to continue on bed rest and come in for weekly check-ups for three more weeks to ensure that my derrière stays healed.  If it does, then I can start what is being called a sitting protocol.  This is where I sit for perhaps a half-hour a day for a time, then an hour, then two hours, and so on, until I reach this “new normal”, which is supposedly sitting only eight to 10 hours a day for the rest of my life.

Yup.  The wind was knocked out of me with that news this past February.  I have not shared it widely until now because I have been absorbing this gut punch.

More accurately, I have been trying to figure out how I can buck the system, or at least modify it to fit my lifestyle, because I couldn’t imagine how I was going to do all the things I wanted to do with this restriction.

Despite my handicap, or perhaps because of it, I lead a very active life … out and about on a regular basis facilitating my inspirational workshops, networking, spending time in my favorite virtual offices writing new inspirational material, creating websites and social media profiles, meeting with clients, socializing, etc.  As long as I had access to a wheelchair-friendly restroom, I could move about my day easily and with few restrictions.

But now … Hey Universe, Is this really the “new normal?”  Are you telling me I am sentenced to sitting only eight to 10 hours a day for the rest of my life?  How the frack am I going to do that and still maintain an active lifestyle?  Un-freaking-imaginable, not to mention, un-bleeping-acceptable.

Is this punishment for my already embarrassing weight gain that supposedly contributed to the pressure wound in the first place? (Shaking my fist at the sky)

Believe me when I tell you that bitching about one of life’s crappy curve balls becomes counterproductive very quickly.  I have to move on and figure out things like:

  • How to get in a bathtub (Sitting on a hard surface, even for a short bath, will probably be a no-no.)
  • How to drive ( I cannot drag my butt over the wheel of my wheelchair to get in my driver’s seat like I used to do.)
  • How to travel by car or by plane for long trips  (Wouldn’t a tour bus be awesome?!)

Have I figured any of this out yet?  Nope, and this is just the tip of the iceberg.  I have tons of logisitics to figure out.  As Marie Forleo says, “Everything is figureoutable.”  Well, let me tell you, InspiraGang, I am up to the challenges.  I can do this.  I know I can.

More to come on this topic in future blog posts.

When you were faced with a “new normal”, how did you deal with it?  Please share your experience in the comments below.

Your never-normal InspiraGirl (and thank God for that!),
Andrea

I Can “Go Negative” Very Quickly

When I started Operation INSPIRATION in 2005, I also committed myself to ongoing self-improvement so that I could “walk my talk.”  With nearly 16 years in the corporate jungle under my belt, one of the realizations I came to was how easily and quickly my mood shifted when pessimism, bad moods, anger or any unfavorable situation came my way.  Looking back, I am shocked at how negative I was and sometimes amazed that I survived in that environment for so long.

Even after years of working to strengthen this aspect of my personality, with the ups and downs of my healing journey, I have allowed myself to “go negative” a number of times in the past year and it scared me.  For example, each time I had a wound check-up, I was extremely anxious because I did not know what I was going to face.

Would the wound be smaller or would the measurements remain the same? Plateaus are hell on the morale.

Would the doctors mention surgery again?  We are have opposing views about that point.  While I am in favor of waiting it out and letting my body heal naturally, (Thankfully, my family backed me up on this.), the doctors–somewhat understandably, I suppose–wanted to see me heal more quickly.  So they have pushed surgery more and more often, especially in the past few months.  During one check-up last June, I felt so bullied that I said,

“Congratulations.  You’ve broken me.  Let’s just do the surgery.”

That was on a Friday.  When I got home, I felt so down that I decided to take the weekend to gather myself.  It took more than a day to boost my emotional strength back up.  But, by Sunday I was thinking clearly again.  I had made an emotional decision in that exam room, rather than a well-thought out decision.  So I called the doctor’s office the following Monday to let them know that I was taking the time I needed to make a an informed decision that was right for me.

That was a difficult phone call to make.  But once I did it, I felt empowered.  While I wouldn’t wish these experiences on anyone, it was a reminder of some valuable lessons:

  • While the doctors can make their recommendations and preferences knows for a course of treatment, it’s ultimately my decision to either have surgery or allow my body heal naturally.
  • Self-care is not just about the physical. Full self-care also includes psychological, spiritual and emotional care, and it’s alright to take the time to tend to my psychlogical, spiritual and emotional well-being and clear my head.
  • I am human and there is no need to feel badly about feeling overwhelmed.  Everyone gets overwhelmed.
  • To me this is the one of the most empowering lessons:  I am a sensitive person and I often feel like I have to apologize for that.  But I don’t.  It’s part of who I am.

Right now, it looks as if my wound is very close to healing… .2 cm in length, width and depth as of this writing.  So, even though I am maintaining an open mind in the event that there are no other options and surgery becomes necessary, I remain positive and strong in my resolve to close up this pressure wound by as natural means as possible.  And so, the healing journey continues…

I would love to hear your experiences with negativity and how you deal with it.  Please comment below, InspiraGang.

All the Best to You,

Andrea
aka InspiraGirl

 

 

 

Affirmation: I AM HEALING

My world changed drastically on August 28, 2017.

That was the day I was diagnosed with a pressure wound that went straight to the bone. I was put on immediate bed rest so it, and I, could heal.

That would become the operative word–HEAL–especially when I realized one day that neither of my doctors had actually said that the wound would heal. So I knew the healing had to start with me and I took charge of the situation.  I began saying the affirmation to myself AND out loud several times a day. It became my mantra: I am healing.  I Am Healing.  I AM HEALING.

Whenever I begin to doubt my body’s ability to heal, I repeat that mantra until I am feeling strong and confident again.  I am a firm believer that a positive frame of mind is vital to the healing process and affirmations are a great tool to use to strengthen one’s resolve.  I knew it would take months to heal and I have always been okay with that fact because, nearly a year later, not only has my wound almost healed, but I am physically, mentally and emotionally healthier than ever.

I have improved my nutrition, I exercise (weights, bands and yoga) consistently, I’ve lost 50 pounds, and my blood pressure is under control.  I also make sure I get enough sleep, which has helped me to work and take care of my responsibilities more efficiently.

Also, while I have been meditating for over 13 years, I now meditate daily, which has made all the differences.

In addition to my healing mantra, I write my affirmations in my journal every day to reinforce them.  This is my current list of affirmations and, as I add others, I will share them with you:

I love.

I am loved.

I am healing.

I am healthy.

I make healthy decisions.

My derrière is healing more each day. (That one makes me smile. I like the word derrière.)

I am creative.

I am prolific.

I welcome abundance in optimum health, well-being, inspiration, creativity and finances.

What are your affirmations?  I would love to see them.  Please share them in the comments below.

Yours in Health and Positivism,
Andrea