I Can “Go Negative” Very Quickly

When I started Operation INSPIRATION in 2005, I also committed myself to ongoing self-improvement so that I could “walk my talk.”  With nearly 16 years in the corporate jungle under my belt, one of the realizations I came to was how easily and quickly my mood shifted when pessimism, bad moods, anger or any unfavorable situation came my way.  Looking back, I am shocked at how negative I was and sometimes amazed that I survived in that environment for so long.

Even after years of working to strengthen this aspect of my personality, with the ups and downs of my healing journey, I have allowed myself to “go negative” a number of times in the past year and it scared me.  For example, each time I had a wound check-up, I was extremely anxious because I did not know what I was going to face.

Would the wound be smaller or would the measurements remain the same? Plateaus are hell on the morale.

Would the doctors mention surgery again?  We are have opposing views about that point.  While I am in favor of waiting it out and letting my body heal naturally, (Thankfully, my family backed me up on this.), the doctors–somewhat understandably, I suppose–wanted to see me heal more quickly.  So they have pushed surgery more and more often, especially in the past few months.  During one check-up last June, I felt so bullied that I said,

“Congratulations.  You’ve broken me.  Let’s just do the surgery.”

That was on a Friday.  When I got home, I felt so down that I decided to take the weekend to gather myself.  It took more than a day to boost my emotional strength back up.  But, by Sunday I was thinking clearly again.  I had made an emotional decision in that exam room, rather than a well-thought out decision.  So I called the doctor’s office the following Monday to let them know that I was taking the time I needed to make a an informed decision that was right for me.

That was a difficult phone call to make.  But once I did it, I felt empowered.  While I wouldn’t wish these experiences on anyone, it was a reminder of some valuable lessons:

  • While the doctors can make their recommendations and preferences knows for a course of treatment, it’s ultimately my decision to either have surgery or allow my body heal naturally.
  • Self-care is not just about the physical. Full self-care also includes psychological, spiritual and emotional care, and it’s alright to take the time to tend to my psychlogical, spiritual and emotional well-being and clear my head.
  • I am human and there is no need to feel badly about feeling overwhelmed.  Everyone gets overwhelmed.
  • To me this is the one of the most empowering lessons:  I am a sensitive person and I often feel like I have to apologize for that.  But I don’t.  It’s part of who I am.

Right now, it looks as if my wound is very close to healing… .2 cm in length, width and depth as of this writing.  So, even though I am maintaining an open mind in the event that there are no other options and surgery becomes necessary, I remain positive and strong in my resolve to close up this pressure wound by as natural means as possible.  And so, the healing journey continues…

I would love to hear your experiences with negativity and how you deal with it.  Please comment below, InspiraGang.

All the Best to You,

Andrea
aka InspiraGirl

 

 

 

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